11.16.2004

Why is it the case that as we grow older, the things that usually matter so much to us lose its meaning in a slow agonizing death? Is it because we are finally faced with what reality is all about? Are we faced with the truth that it's a matter of using our head than our heart, or maybe it's losing sight of their true significance?

Usually Christmas has always been a time to celebrate being with our family and to rejoice the Lord's birth, but now it has become a reason to whine about the many expenses and the traffic it brings. When it comes to Birthdays, people usually look forward to it because somehow it makes them feel special and thankful for another year given to them, but now it has become a reason to complain about being a year older. And sometimes, being courteous, like even the simple thing of letting an older person get ahead of us seemed unthought-of because today seemed more of "I" and less of "we". Before, the concept of Love is finding someone you truly care about, but now, it has become finding anyone just because they're the "only one" not because they are "the one". Did I make any sense?

Maybe I'm feeling this way because I know that the day of the year when I feel most special is getting near and even if I am suppose to feel elated like always, sometimes the feeling of sadness creeps in. Maybe its because of the slow realization that the thing I'm most afraid of is sometimes catching up on me, and that is losing sight of what these things should really mean. Maybe I just miss my friends and I know even more cause I know they won't be with me on that day BUT just having talks during dinnertime with my family or catching up with an old friend and realizing that the friendship is still there are enough to make me realize that it never really lost its meaning. I find once again what is truly essential. Its just up to myself to realize that for it to sustain its importance, we have to look inside our hearts, and realize the true happiness that these things bring out.

Sometimes I wonder if the train of the present left without me because I seemed to be stuck in the past. Its the past where everything seemed okay but most especially, simple when I know for a fact that its not. I am afraid to hurt others but more on being hurt myself. I've often been ridiculed for my old-fashioned ways and thoughts, but I am unabashed by my sentiments, and just like in an Ally McBeal episode, "the world is no longer romantic, but some are still, and their lies a promise that it could still be.."

I just hope that hopefully as I am blessed with years to come, I leave it up to God that in this seemingly cynical world, I may still always find happiness like I always do everytime I am given another day :)

bic walked away at 10:57 PM