8.10.2011

Everything happens in God's time, not ours.

During my check up last Saturday, my doctor asked why I was not reacting at all when she told me I could already give birth as early as next week. Its not that I was not happy, its just that I couldn't comprehend what I should be feeling at that time. It was a mix of being anxious, worried, excited, to even being scared. It was just a matter of days, and not months anymore.

I know its been almost 9 months of pregnancy, with a bulging belly as proof, but sometimes it still hasn't sunk in. I don't know if I'm just in denial because deep inside, I know its because I'm scared that I might not be a good mom. That I might not be responsible enough. I was just starting to learn how it is to be independent, to be a good wife, to manage the house and the expenses, but now a real life human being will be dependent on me. One mistake can be monumental. I know it might be an exaggeration, but its true. This is not just about shopping for those pretty baby clothes, or making sure I get my baby a Little Mermaid themed-room (just like mine before!), but more than that, its being able to provide all the love, care and protection she needs.

But ready or not, one thing is for sure, I love Ervin and our baby girl so much. And it is the driving force that's making me believe that I can do this. Its the only thing that's making me sane from all the healthy eating I've being doing (and I'm not even going to mention the expenses).

This pregnancy may be a surprise but I have learned to accept, like so many things in life, that we don't get to choose when things should happen in our life. It will always be in God's time. Maybe I don't know it, but maybe God knows that I'm strong enough for her. Maybe mine and Ervin's love is big enough to be shared. But what I do know?

What's about to come is bound to be one of the best times of my Life! :-)

bic walked away at 7:15 PM